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Welcome to Midsomer, population none.
Residents of small village Midsomer were shocked today by the news that the population today officially dropped below zero. The village with a higher murder rate than New York City has been recieveing substantial media attention recently, with the murder investigations being constatly terrorised. The remaining residents gathered above their grave stones to discuss the problem, however, soon realised that as they were no longer with us, the solution to the population crisis could not be found through them. Thespian John Nettles, who had been masquerading as Chief Inspector Tom Barnaby was asked if he could understand why the village was now nothing but a ghost town, however he seemed instead to be sobbing over a torn up television contract. "How can I do a show when there's no one left to kill" he wailed. Critics of the village's policing policy had suggested for some time now that a population crisis was occuring as the powers that be at ITV seemed to have deemed it neccesary to kill at least one person an episode, yet intriguinly, none of the residents ever seemed to wonder why the death rate in midsomer was approaching that of the Somme. And even more bizzarely, none of them chose to leave for their own safety. Its a mystery why, but one thing is for certain, for Midsomer, this must surely be the end. This is Pete reporting for AMP, and I'm now gonna get the heck out of dodge before, arghhh..... |
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